A series of thoughts and answers where known

Q. If i talk about how this guy always backbites, does that make me just like him?

Answer: Probably, yes. Definitely!

Q. If , by deliberation, I don't study so that i get bad grades which humble me, are my actions based on good intentions?

Answer: Good Luck

Q. If I say that people today spend their time complaining, am I joining them by doing so?

Answer: Of course! More often than not, leading by example and practicing is more effective than preaching.

Q. If I say "rabb-e zidi ilma" (Oh God, Increase my Knowledge) before a test, and then I am introduced to a series of questions I wasn't knowledgeable about or have never seen before. I fail the test. Does that mean my knowledge has increased but my prayer has backfired ?

Answer: OMG:P

How to Fail at Dieting

I was a slim guy. I never used to eat a lot. I was my mom's daily dinner table nightmare. No vegetables, no gravy, no milk, no fish. I did not care much for meals at all! In fact, i hated fish, with a special passion. So much so, I would not touch it at all, and prefer to stay hungry instead. Having a small appetite meant that wasn't a big deal. Once mom cooked fish with white sauce, and I graced the occasion with my ceremonial hunger strike. My dad (the British viceroy) said "Go on Gandhi, don't eat your fish, but you are not going to touch any other food until you finish it!"

I was able to accept that challenge and go a whole 24 hours without food, after which my dad left the house for work, and this cat in my garden got a lovely fish and white sauce meal with her husband.

But these good times were limited. I turned sixteen when, miraculously, my appetite reached its personal puberty. All of a sudden, burgers seemed extra-attractive. Biryani was a dream come true. Rolls with friends were a must. Coke was water from heaven. And Pepsi was coke from heaven!

Since, then, i started gaining ounces, then pounds , then kilos. Before I knew it, I was obese. However I was and am, thanks to my friends, a sports fanatic. Playing regular football ensured I never became much worse than I really could have been. Still, I needed to shed 15 kilos. 65 kg is the optimum weight for my height and build. I was 80 kg.

This started my quest of dieting. Or it rather marked the beginning of my Thomas Edison adventures. He failed 10,000 times to make a light bulb and said: " I have just learned 10,000 ways how not to make a bulb"

I proudly reveal that I am the Thomas Edison of dieting. Alas, I must add that unlike Edison, I have not finally succeeded in this endeavor. However, that gifts me the opportunity to write this piece.

So to learn how to fail dieting, one must learn how exactly dieting is supposed to be done. There a a few fairly simple and easy to break rules:

In order of level

1) No junk food

2) Tastes good ? spit it out!!

3) If the taste is bearable , do not eat

4) Good drink? forbidden!

5) Do not eat food

Obviously I do not need to make a case about how these rules are easy to break. I have tried to eat fruits, salads but these things simply do not fill your stomach. You could eat a huge salad but it just doesn't fill you up.

Relapse is also a very naughty demon. I have had 4 to 5 good days at a stretch when I went to gym , had decent portions , healthy food. However, then arrives that "time of the month" when I start having food from fast food restaurants to avoid cooking. That's the time when I start having "ice cream" to reward myself. Only trouble is, I commit the equivalent of awarding the noble prize for a school science project model labelled "the solar system"

A great way to fail is to question your definition of failure.

Why are you dieting?
Because you have had some amazing times of indulging.

Some really satisfying moments!
All those wonderful times when you had ice cream, chocolates and all those soft drinks.
They are what life is about! In fact they are more than just that. They are the meaning of life.
They remind you that you are in such a wonderful place.

And guess what? Heaven will be even better.
Why did the creator make prayer compulsory

but He made hunger a regular need that we satisfy
two to three times a day?

Maybe because eating is THE way to remind ourselves

how important it is to be good and
kind so that we may deserve our place in heaven. A place with better food!
Therefore, just like prayer is compulsory five times a day,

eating is just an opportunity to thank
the Lord and to spiritually enlighten oneself.

Why not avail every opportunity to do so!
Life is too short and you won't get a tastier chance than this!

A chain of stupid thought

As valentines day approaches,

I take some time to think about all the girls that may by chance end up being my valentine........ ok times up. None. And that is because I am so magnificent , no girl would be able to keep up.

Okay im not so magnificent, infact I even stole the above line from Inspector Jacques Clauseau, The Pink Panther.

Wasn't that an amazing movie? Too funny. They dont make em like that any more. However, all is not lost. The the world has me, Usman the Unnoticeable.

I couldn't even think of a cool word begininng with U. like Frank the Famous, Simon the Super, Usman the Ultra-Unusual-Under estimated-Umbridge. I give up on umbridge.

Anyways I am a boy who lives downtown. It gives me certain cool feeling cause there is no "downtown" where I am from. The only way I knew downtown is when policemen used to mention it in the movies when they arrested theives. " Cmon you scum, looks like you're going downtown today" .

The Signal

Anything can be a signal. A flare, a glare or a stare. Literally any action, emotion or reaction can serve the purpose of a signal. Signals exist in all forms around us. They can be actions, they can cause actions, and as we speak, they are “in action.”

In a war, a flare may be important enough to decide the victorious party. That is, if it means something! A signal needs to carry meaning. The person it is meant for must know what the signal conveys. Otherwise it is pointless. In Karachi, a flare means some kids are fooling around with fireworks. In a war, it may mean the enemy is about to attack, and the meaning that the action carries makes all the difference to its significance.

Imagine sitting in a restaurant with a group of people. You talk, you joke, you laugh, you say something stupid!

A kick from under the table! That’s your friend sending you a signal that you were not supposed to say that. You understand and shut up, trying to smile while you are under the more painful effects of the signal. In other situations, a kick may have meant to hurt. A hostile signal! However, it’s the context of the action which makes it the kind of signal it is.

Sarcasm is a well known signal. It’s how we say something and mean something else. It’s a great skill to be able to imply something without saying it. Sometimes people just do not want to hear some words, but they are in touch with the real situation. That is when we need people who can get their point across while following social rules. Tactfulness is something that can make a huge difference to your likeability and effectiveness. Telling someone “You just need some gym” can yield an entirely different reaction than by saying “your unfit Dudley” instead. This is because these two lines may get the same point across but the signals which emanate from them are entirely different. The former is a signal of hope and faith, while the latter is condescending and haughty.

As human beings, reading signals is a really important trait. Whoever is better at reading and identifying signals can be successful at what they do. That is exactly what talent is. A talented stock broker can read subtle signals in the market and predict future trends accurately. Lionel Messi always knows where to turn and take the ball because he can masterfully judge what the defenders will do.

All chemical and electric processes depend on signals. There are several gauges at each point in a process expressing signals such as pressures, temperatures, voltages, currents. These are vital since they serve as our translators with the natural phenomenon we are trying to employ. They are imperative for us to be able to understand the process and how to get what we desire.

Therefore, it is correct to say that signals are the basis of how everything works in this universe. To do well in our daily lives, we must be polite, hard working, determined. Yet, it is equally important to improve our art of detecting signals and knowing what they mean in different contexts so that we can select the correct response. Some signals are more subtle than others. However, they are all there. Just like a blind person cannot see a red light, we are blind in a similar manner to some kinds of signals.

That is why it is advisable to receive an education but also to increase your knowledge daily. An illiterate citizen may not be able to understand what signal a new national budget may convey and its effect on his future. Similarly, I may be an engineer but I am an illiterate to the arts and social sciences. Unless someone knows Latin, or has read Dan Brown’s Digital Fortress, they will not understand what I mean if I end a letter addressed to them with the words “without wax”. In Latin the words for “without wax” are “sin cere” and in ancient times, statues were fixed with wax if there were any mistakes. A flawless statue needed no such repairs and was therefore called sin-cere. That is the how the word sincere was born. But the point is that you wouldn’t know this unless you read it here or somewhere else. Hence, increasing knowledge is vital to improve signal-reading.

Hopefully this article may have produced a signal which induces a positive change in the reader.

Simple, Powerful

After two years, of pretending to be a blogger, I finally made myself sitdown to write another article so that my blog is actually a blog and not your one-article website.

I had/have alot of trouble finding inspiration to write about something so here goes.

We all can talk the talk. We love to talk! From politics, corruption to veena malik, mufti sahab, we all have something to say or opinions to lend.

However the essence of this article is to bring attention to the important question: "What can we do?"

Its my personal observation, but not a unique one, that although we can certainly talk, argue and debate about the reasons for our many problems, as Pakistanis we are united by the fact that we don't go to the very next level, and that is implementing the solutions to these problems. The same problems we chose to spend most of our times discussing.

You may bring to notice that we discuss problems such as the massive poverty and corruption the country is engulfed in, not to mention the war. And then you can rightfully ask: what can we do about these large scale problems if we are common citizens? How can we make any difference to these problems which require action on a national or international scale?

These are extremely discouraging questions but they are really good questions too. I have no intention of being your regular, obvious reminder: "little things/contributions can make a big difference." Someone has probably said that to you before. My real goal is to actually come up with a few ideas on what we actually CAN do. How can we make a little contribution?

I begin with two rules in mind:

1) the ideas should be easy to implement for anyone! They should not be things we do one day, but are unable to sustain the habit. Its the same concept as weight loss if you will. You need to make sustainable changes, dieting crazy for 2 weeks can be undone by 2 days of over-indulging when you can't bear starving any longer. Its been proved healthier and more efficient to make small but sustainable changes. Any ways rule number two.

2) My list can be completely wrong. Yes, firstly because I am making such a list for the first time so lack of experience, and secondly this list is one which I don't mind any criticism for. What I want to achieve is that we start talking and implementing solutions to our problems and start moving forward as a nation. So here it is:

Our country has such a large population, which causes a strain on our resources and possibly lead to the state of poverty. However, in our great numbers lies our miracle. We only need to make little changes on an individual level to cause a great impact since Pakistan has , the power of amplification.

Education is vital for our country. Literacy rates need to rise if we ever want to unite the two different view points we all feel exist within our country. One is that of the "educated", "liberals" and "moderates". The other is of the "religous extremists" ,"conservatives", "uneducated".

And surely we all sense that if all pakistanis had been to school, were fluent in our mother tongue as well as english, had been to debates, could understand what is written in "jungg" as well as BBC, CNN, there would not be so many conflicts or issues about things such as which political party is the least corrupt or was it right to kill Salman Taseer. I will not express any views as to what is the correct opinion about these issues , Im just indicating that if we all were educated, we might not argue so much about these controversies.

so the first thing we all can do is

1) educate a person. This may seem like an unsustainable long term commitment but think about it. Just educate one person. Or just make sure they get educated. It can be your maid's son, your driver, or a poor young servant. if you can't find anyone, donate enough for ONE person to an organization like TCF.

Money is obviously what you will need. We get enough on Eid, birthdays and other occasions to sponsor a regular primary education by just giving a small percentage away. If you do not have enough funds, ask your family and friends. But the main thing is, take the responsibility for a young pakistanis education. Take the duty of grooming an individual which benefits him/her and through that, your own country. So you don't need to get your own money or teach the person yourself neccessarily, all you need to do is to make it happen! And that is something we are all capable of.

2)

idea number 1) is a slightly long term investment idea. Idea number 2 should therefore suitably be something that makes a small but immediate difference.

Read a page of your Holy book every week. It will not take long, it takes 5 minutes to read a page. I think we too often say "im not so well informed about religious issues" and debates and arguements often reach points of "dude scholars are who will answer whether this is right" . The idea is to BECOME WELL INFORMED. Imagine 17 crore pakistanis all reading one page of translated Qur'an a week; understanding what the book we believe to be the word of God actually says. This small change can go a long way to eliminate the several differences in our nation due to religious misconceptions and wrong information. And if it does not have a huge impact, at the very least it benefits yourself as a person with more knowledge and wisdom.

3) keep a box, and collect 5 rupees in it everyday. You can afford to do that if you are reading this blog. 5*30 is 150. 150*12 is 1800 rupees. Multiply this number by say (assuming 25% Pakistanis can do this) 40,000,000(4 crores). 40,000,000*1800= 72,000,000,000. That is 7200 Crores of money/year which can really benefit any one who needs to be helped. This is money Pakistan can spend on ITSELF to improve itself if only a quarter of us give up 5 rupees everyday. Compared to a pepsi /or a cheap daily snack which costs more than this, its not much to give up. The difference is that by giving up 5 rupees a day that would have helped profit some company, you can gift a poor person 1800 rupees a year,an amount which say I may view as a weeks snacks, but for another person, its something which can really help ease problems. But the main idea is that if you actually take the intiative, and set aside a box for this purpose, you are more probable to collect and make your little contribution.

So there we have it, these might not be great ideas. Im sure , there being 170 million of us, some of us will come up with better ideas. As stated earlier, in our large numbers lies our power. I only wanted to start the chain. Please become both a leader and a follower in this cause.

inspiration for this article: The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell

What happens when an immoveable object meets an unstoppable force?

The question posed is quite the treat for the philiosophical mind. It can be pondered over.Hypothesis suggested.Then that word WHY appears in your head. That measly word. Use any adjective you like, it stays there. You proceed to disprove yourself not being able to decide whether to hate the annoying question or your own incapability to answer it. How you describe a question is quite imperative to whether you eventually answer it. You can call this one annoying, interesting, scientists might even curse the question saying that such things do not exist. Neither immoveable objects nor unstoppable forces. But what if?
I pose my favourite supposing question. I say God is an unstoppable force. And if He is God then he can certainly create an immoveable object. What would happen when these two entities meet? They are both imaginable entities in their own right. Yet it seems imagination is too small a place for both of them. Yes even imagination! The largest place known to man! It is like the room of requirement in the Harry Potter series. Your imagination can take any size you want. Anything is possible in your imagination. I can reach the peak of the everest over there. Eat my favourite food at all meal times. I can even get into Harvard. It is truly a heaven on earth. Not Dubai. Imagination is the real heaven on earth. And I have just proved how easy it is to deviate and digress when posed with a difficult question.
So what does happen when an unstoppeable force meetsa more than stubborn object; An immoveable one. Consider the concept of inertia. Inertia is defined as a body's tendecy to resist changes in a state of rest or motion. The objects in the question both have infinite inertia. Only, it is of different types. One body wont stop moving. The other will not move no matter what you do. What if these two collide? Momentum can help us describe motion and predict collsions and their outcomes. How strange that I can safely and confidently predict the collision of two bodies. Both unstoppable forces( considering both the unstoppables as equals). And also say that two immoveable objects will ofcourse never bother each other. Yet I cannot apply the physcis I know or the physics I think I will have learnt in the years of education ahead when I try to collide an unstoppable force with an immoveable object. What will I get?A headache! That is the current conclusion based on research and observed evidence.
Enough of humor. This is bad! How can I not answer this question. Its maths, physics and it can be made into many more things. This question has so many dimensions.Its amazing. It feels like the apocalypse of questions. You can't reply to this question with another question(if you hope to answer it atleast). Any peers whom I have asked this question have shed no more light than reflected by their frowning fore heads. My physics teacher evaded the question with a smirk. A similiar response my maths teacher managed to show. In mathematics terms had I posed this question. He was lecturing how numbers divided by infinity result in zero and how number divided by zero result in infinity. I, treating infinity as an unstoppeable forceand the number zero as an immoveable object asked what is zero multiplied by infinity.A smirk. Oh cmon you fat..
Infinity multiplied by infinity is INFINITY. Zero multiplied by zero is ZERO.Multiplications treated as mathematic collsions.However if we consider the two equations that ANYNUMBER/Infinity=Zero and ANYNUMBER/Zero=Infinity, cross multiply in both, We get to the conclusion that Zero*Infinity=ANYNUMBER. The respective substitutions give you the result that When an immoveable object meets an unstoppeable force, what can happen? ANYTHING. Hardly the answer I had expected or was looking for. Yet I learnt not to expect anything expectable on this little philosophical journey of mine.
I proceeded to search on the internet. I found many ridiculous answers, denials rather than real answers. People were more concernedwith stating that such quantities and phenomenon do not exist. One answer however was given in a humorous note by a person. She said simply,that the unstoppable force gets a hole punched in it and proceeds.Interesting! She might have been joking but she succeeded in thinking and I believe she possesesan extra touch of grey matter. This doughnut theory is still fundamentally flawed. It in essence awards the victory to the immoveable object as anyportion of the unstoppeable force that meets the object gets "stopped" thus making the hole in the doughnut. Wow, Im sure I will beat Thomas Edison at finding more number of ways of not succeeding at something.
A different sort of idea and situation which came to mind was that of religion. Religous beliefs are in many cases immoveable objects. That is essentially why the word dogma is used to describe it. Most of you reading this follow the religion which has been followed by your parents and their parents. And Im sure all of you believe whole heartedly you are on the right path. Now it must be agreed upon how as we all understand our own religions best, most arguements, if not all, that question the basis of our beliefs are disbanded by us. Are we all magically on the straight path, albeit different ones, or are our hearts stubborn? Why can I without having complete knowledge of my holy book, the Qur'an, assure any of my atheist readers that I will not be convinced to believe that there is no God no matter how hard they try. Simply, my belief is my immoveable object. I may have seen proof of God, but the atheist has "seen" proof of His absence too, and we are both standing half way in concrete( consider that an immoveable situation :-). However, many of you might be wondering now about converts, Aren't they the answer to my question. Hasn't there belief changed, there immoveable object moved? Rebuttal ? Yes! For example if they converted to Islam, then their beliefs were never immoveable in the first place, and Islam was the unstoppable force that moved them. And Islam which proved to be an unstoppable force to them, is my immoveable object too! What a wonderful thing, something which cannot be moved, but cannot be stopped either! I love being a muslim! As do you being a christian, jew, buddhist, or atheist.
Another interesting concept which helped me shed some light on the situation were black holes. While viewing a video recommended to me by my mother of Professor and Physicist Michio Kaku, I listened to him describing what might happen when black holes meet. Black holes are extremely dense points of mass. They posess the strongest gravitational force in our universe, sucking all matter around them. For the sake of arguement they can be called the unstoppable forces in our universe. What is different is that black holes create attractive forces as opposed to in my question where the unstoppable force is heading for impact with the immoveable object. So what would happen when two unstoppeable "sucking" forces prey on each other. Which one will consume the other? Will they merge? Only time will tell, but in a billion years. However if it is correct that we end in 2012, remember to ask God. (unless you're an atheist :-) then there no hope for you at all :P