How to Fail at Dieting

I was a slim guy. I never used to eat a lot. I was my mom's daily dinner table nightmare. No vegetables, no gravy, no milk, no fish. I did not care much for meals at all! In fact, i hated fish, with a special passion. So much so, I would not touch it at all, and prefer to stay hungry instead. Having a small appetite meant that wasn't a big deal. Once mom cooked fish with white sauce, and I graced the occasion with my ceremonial hunger strike. My dad (the British viceroy) said "Go on Gandhi, don't eat your fish, but you are not going to touch any other food until you finish it!"

I was able to accept that challenge and go a whole 24 hours without food, after which my dad left the house for work, and this cat in my garden got a lovely fish and white sauce meal with her husband.

But these good times were limited. I turned sixteen when, miraculously, my appetite reached its personal puberty. All of a sudden, burgers seemed extra-attractive. Biryani was a dream come true. Rolls with friends were a must. Coke was water from heaven. And Pepsi was coke from heaven!

Since, then, i started gaining ounces, then pounds , then kilos. Before I knew it, I was obese. However I was and am, thanks to my friends, a sports fanatic. Playing regular football ensured I never became much worse than I really could have been. Still, I needed to shed 15 kilos. 65 kg is the optimum weight for my height and build. I was 80 kg.

This started my quest of dieting. Or it rather marked the beginning of my Thomas Edison adventures. He failed 10,000 times to make a light bulb and said: " I have just learned 10,000 ways how not to make a bulb"

I proudly reveal that I am the Thomas Edison of dieting. Alas, I must add that unlike Edison, I have not finally succeeded in this endeavor. However, that gifts me the opportunity to write this piece.

So to learn how to fail dieting, one must learn how exactly dieting is supposed to be done. There a a few fairly simple and easy to break rules:

In order of level

1) No junk food

2) Tastes good ? spit it out!!

3) If the taste is bearable , do not eat

4) Good drink? forbidden!

5) Do not eat food

Obviously I do not need to make a case about how these rules are easy to break. I have tried to eat fruits, salads but these things simply do not fill your stomach. You could eat a huge salad but it just doesn't fill you up.

Relapse is also a very naughty demon. I have had 4 to 5 good days at a stretch when I went to gym , had decent portions , healthy food. However, then arrives that "time of the month" when I start having food from fast food restaurants to avoid cooking. That's the time when I start having "ice cream" to reward myself. Only trouble is, I commit the equivalent of awarding the noble prize for a school science project model labelled "the solar system"

A great way to fail is to question your definition of failure.

Why are you dieting?
Because you have had some amazing times of indulging.

Some really satisfying moments!
All those wonderful times when you had ice cream, chocolates and all those soft drinks.
They are what life is about! In fact they are more than just that. They are the meaning of life.
They remind you that you are in such a wonderful place.

And guess what? Heaven will be even better.
Why did the creator make prayer compulsory

but He made hunger a regular need that we satisfy
two to three times a day?

Maybe because eating is THE way to remind ourselves

how important it is to be good and
kind so that we may deserve our place in heaven. A place with better food!
Therefore, just like prayer is compulsory five times a day,

eating is just an opportunity to thank
the Lord and to spiritually enlighten oneself.

Why not avail every opportunity to do so!
Life is too short and you won't get a tastier chance than this!